Charm Offensive

19 Nov

Secret Diary Of PorterGirl

The Master’s Wife seems enthralled in a fit of pique, although her tightly wound features do not allow it to show upon her face. As I enter the fray, I am caught in the crossfire of two furious pinpricks of quivering rage peeking out from behind the plastic façade.

“Is everything alright?” A stupid question, but I don’t really know how else to begin.

“What? What?” squeals The Master’s Wife. “What sort of thing is that to ask me, young man?”

“Well, I was simply wondering… hang on a minute – ‘young man’?”

“Deputy Head Porter is a woman, ma’am,” says Head Porter, helpfully. Perhaps his knowledge of the fairer sex is more comprehensive than I gave him credit for.

The Master’s Wife is stunned into silence, but sadly only for the briefest of moments.

“Oh, rearrrrly?” her perfect forehead refuses to crinkle in puzzlement. “In that case I…

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